“To err is human. To forgive is divine.“

The path to forgiveness is often a long and difficult one, both for those who give it and those who seek it. There are no rules, no guidelines, no sliding scale.

You can’t look at a chart of errors and misdeeds, then run your finger across it to find the corresponding time lapse and actions necessary to grant or receive forgiveness. In fact, there is no guarantee that forgiveness will ever come.

Forgiveness and the ability to forgive vary from person to person. Situations where you and I would say we could never forgive; someone actually going through it may be able to and vice-versa. I have often found that people, who say one thing, feel quite another when they are experiencing a similar situation for themselves.

“You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”
- Lewis B. Smedes

For those in a position to grant forgiveness, first know that you are not obligated to forgive. Ever. But also know that even if you scream, “I hate you so much right now!” and feel you could never, ever, ever forgive, that you can change your mind over time… if you wish. And if you feel forgiveness is possible, that doesn’t mean it happens in a day, a month, a year or a decade. It could take a lifetime to get to a place where you can honestly and sincerely say, “I forgive you.”

I will say, that if you can find it in you to forgive, you will find it liberating (holding on to hurt inflicted by others may only harm you in the end). However, don’t decide to forgive only to wield it as a weapon to get even. That’s not being honest with yourself or fair to the person(s) seeking forgiveness. It’s okay if you are not ready to forgive. When or if you are ready, it will happen in your time.

“You can’t undo anything you’ve already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.”
- Unknown

If you are someone seeking forgiveness, you have the obligation to fully acknowledge your wrongdoing and offer a sincere apology. The apology may or may not be accepted; you may or may not be forgiven. All you can do is offer it and wait. You can’t rush someone or say, “I said I’m sorry, damn, what’s the problem?” Just because you are ready to be forgiven doesn’t mean you will be. You should be prepared for the chance that no matter what you do or don’t do, forgiveness may never come. You have to find your own peace in knowing that you truly are sorry and that you will do all in your power to fix what you can and do whatever is possible to prevent a similar event.

The path to forgiveness is not easy or clear-cut, and there’s no guarantee that you’ll make it; no matter whether you are supplying or seeking. There is no standard set of rules for either party. Some circumstances require great strength to forgive, so those seeking it must respect that. While having a forgiving heart is something I think we should all strive for, it doesn’t mean we’ll succeed. Not being able to forgive doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you human.

“If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive”
- Mother Teresa