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Signs Of An Abusive Relationship

Published February 12, 2012 by Ashley Pariseau

The following questions ask you about your relationship. If you are not currently in a relationship, these are signs or “red flags” to assist people in identifying a potentially abusive person.

  • Do you feel nervous around your partner?
  • Do you have to be careful to control your behavior to avoid your partner’s anger?
  • Do you feel pressured by your partner when it comes to sex?
  • Are you scared of disagreeing with your partner?
  • Does your partner criticize you, or humiliate you in front of other people?
  • Is your partner always checking up on you or questioning you about what you do without your partner?
  • Does your partner repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people?
  • Does your partner tell you that if you changed, he or she wouldn’t treat you like this?
  • Does your partner’s jealousy stop you from seeing friends or family?
  • Does your partner make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate?
  • Has your partner ever scared you with violence or threatening behavior?
  • Does your partner say, “I will kill myself if you break up with me” or “I will hurt/kill you if you break up with me”?
  • Does your partner make excuses for the abusive behavior? For example: saying, “It’s because of alcohol or drugs,” or “I can’t control my temper,” or “I was just joking”?

You do not deserve to be abused. Create a safety plan or call someone to talk about your relationship. You may also want to contact the police or a local domestic violence center or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE.

Source

Facebook’s Timeline

Published February 11, 2012 by Ashley Pariseau

It seems that a few of the major social media that most of us use are changing their designs lately. Most of us are aware of Timeline. If we haven’t switched our facebook profiles to it yet, many of us are awaiting the day that it becomes mandatory for all users. I haven’t changed mine yet. I was not a happy camper when I was first introduced to timeline either. I thought it looked too busy and I saw nothing wrong with how facebook profiles have looked before. Then I decided that this was probably going to be the beginning of the end of facebook, because this is exactly how myspace went down…when all these changes came about to the site’s design. I know of a lot of people who have timeline or have seen it and they hate it, and I mean I personally know at least lots of people who claim they will delete their accounts on the day it becomes mandatory.

Not only this, youtube has changed their site’s design as well. I changed it for a day, realized I hated it, and switched it back to the old version, but like facebook this new design will be mandatory for all users on a certain day. I have also noticed that google is playing around with different looks too.

Now let me go on a personal rant here for a second.  I am starting to get irritated because they seem to paint it up like these changes are for the purpose for making it user friendly, but is it? Highly doubtful. In the past week, I started noticing youtube being plastered with flashing and moving ads all over the place, as if ads and commercials in the videos aren’t bad enough. I started digging and sure enough I found articles about how the changes are really because they are trying to figure out ways for better ad placement (more in your face ad placement, easier for them to make money).

Reading the comments in these articles are usually never surprising with comments like “Do we really have a right to complain when these sites are still free? Running ads are what keeps it all free for us.”  And yeah, I totally get that. I’m not saying that should be completely done away with, but sometimes I honestly feel I would rather pay a small fee to browse a clean page free of ads than to have to fish for the content I am looking for  in a pool of ads. They can only go so far before people will stop using the site all together.

What do you think of the changes being made to facebook and youtube? Do you like the changes and do you care about the ads they run? 

 

 

Is Poetry Dead?

Published January 21, 2012 by Ashley Pariseau

I have always been a fan of poetry. I started writing poems when I was little, not long after we moved to Indiana and got settled in to a house outside of Albany, so  I was 6 or 7. I wrote poetry off and on pretty much ever since. I rarely showed my work to people though because I always felt like my stuff was unfinished and could be improved and I didn’t want to show it to anyone unless I felt it was the best that it could be, but I undoubtedly always had a knack for writing and a love and appreciation for the art of it.

However poetry is not as popular as it once was, or at least it doesn’t seem like it is. The only poetry I ever see these days exists in the form of song lyrics, and even in that the quality of poetry in lyrics seems to be dwindling, especially in mainstream music. The lyrics of most popular songs these days rivals the quality of stuff I wrote when I was 10, so what does that tell you?

I don’t know, maybe I am just not looking in the right places. Maybe there is still a community of poetry fans out there. If so, where are they?

Do you enjoy reading or writing poetry? Do you think poetry is dead? 

Oh, The Miss America Organization

Published January 15, 2012 by Ashley Pariseau

Ok so I love the Miss America Pageant and everything their organization stands for.  After having watched the 2012 broadcast last night, I was disappointed to see how much they are trying to turn it into a reality show. I understand that for the past few years, they have been trying out different ways to tweak the show and make little changes to improve and boost their ratings, but I don’t think that doing contestant “saves” and “vote outs” are the best way to go. All it did was cause humiliation to some of the contestants. It was actually kind of distasteful how certain things were done. I guess they think that is what the public likes, but I think they missed the mark.

In my opinion, if they want the general public to become more interested in the organization and annual show, they should put these contestant and winners into the mainstream and really showcase what these women do with their reign all year round. As soon as these women win their local title, they are out there doing events, appearances, promoting a platform and I think the organization should focus more on the women and their accomplishments rather than just what’s going on in the show that one night only. The public doesn’t understand how Miss America is relevant in today’s society, and that’s because they don’t actually see it and that is because the organization doesn’t put much effort into showing anything other than the live broadcast of the new winner. There’s SO much that goes on after the winner is crowned, let’s see it!

On that note, congrats to Miss Wisconsin, Laura Kaeppeler!

What did you think of the show last night?

Is This Quote Sexist Against Men?

Published December 11, 2011 by Ashley Pariseau

 

“Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.”

I posted this quote as my facebook status the other day. I heard it on the film Miss Representation, a documentary film about how women are represented in the media, which I watched a few days ago. It was not credited in the film, so I looked it up and it traces back to Canadian feminist and former Mayor of Ottawa, Charlotte Whitton. It’s truth struck me and I decided I wanted to post it. One unknown guy who I have never spoken to and who was not ever among my facebook friends happened to see this and it didn’t go over well with him.

As you can tell I found an issue with his first comment. It is no doubt insulting. It didn’t take me long to block him. I went to this guy’s profile at the moment and found a status a few minutes after I blocked him, “I’m not sexist, I just don’t put up with shit.” Um, put up with what shit exactly? I’m guessing he interpreted the quote as insulting to men, because otherwise I have no idea what he’s going on about. I posted about this incident on a forum I go to and someone else, a female, implied that the “Luckily this is not too difficult” part could be sexist against men.

Still, I don’t see that it is. I think the entire quote was never meant as insulting to men, but instead empowering for women with the “can do” attitude it captures. I don’t think it is implying anything else, but maybe that is just my view.

What do you think about the quote? What do you interpret it?

What Happened To Romance?

Published December 4, 2011 by Ashley Pariseau

Every now and then it will reoccur to me that I see very little romance between dating people these days. It seems like people just don’t care or they think it is old fashioned. I have observed men who are discouraged about the idea of romance, and I get this sense that they might associate the word with chivalry or things that men must do to cater to women to treat them like a princess, but that’s not what it has to mean. First, let’s look at what the word is actually defined as.

ro·mance

Noun:  A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love

So basically romance is the idea of keeping the mystery and excitement alive in a relationship. Should men and woman alike want that for their own relationships? I would think so.

Gentlemen, the thing about romance is, it doesn’t have to be these huge displays of affection like you might see in movies. You don’t have to hijack a plane like Jim Carey, or save your loved one from jumping off a ship like Leo Dicaprio. And you don’t have to spend a bunch of money either. These days, women are impressed by small things. Trust me, they are frickin thrilled when you remember your anniversary or surprise them with a little love note in their coat pocket. It seriously can be that easy. And ladies, you can be romantic to your men as well. They also take pleasure in the little unexpected things that show them you care.  Treat them the way you would like to be treated. Make it unique, fun, and interesting.

I think maintaining  romance is very important for a lasting relationship. If you have ever felt, heard, or given the line, “The passion is gone” or “There’s no spark anymore,”  then you need to up the romance! Trust me on this.

How have you kept the romance alive in your relationship?

Blog Repost – Who Says Pageant Queens Can’t Be Feminists?

Published November 13, 2011 by Ashley Pariseau

I came across this awesome post from TheFBomb.org where the author interviewed current Miss USA Alyssa Campanella.

I was recently given the opportunity to interview Miss USA. Since I don’t really keep up on the pageant world I had to do some research. Alyssa Campanella seemed like a fine person – I was mostly curious to ask her about feminism.

Alyssa currently lives in New York City with Miss Universe. She is hardly ever there because of all the fabulous places she “has” to travel to such as Chicago, Miami, the Bahamas, Los Angeles, Cannes and others. Once her reign as Miss USA is over she wants to attend culinary school and has been doing some work with the Food Network to prepare.

Now for the interview:

Pageants receive criticism because they are seen as negative to young women because the focus is on appearance. How do you think pageants can be empowering?
Part of my job is to travel around with charity organizations raising awareness about women’s issues. I’m learning skills that I can apply to my future. This work is not just about being a glamazon. I help out organizations such Susan G. Komen For The Cure, Gilda’s Club, God’s Love We Deliver, and Project Sunshine. I would rather put less make up on, wear jeans, and spread cheer.

Are you a feminist?
We are all human beings, so what if we have different body parts? There are women presidents — not in the U.S. but soon. There are women all over the world in positions of power doing a good job such as the Queen of Denmark and Brazil’s president. In history, there is Margaret Thatcher England’s first female prime minister. We don’t need only a man to do the job. Let women have power.

Have you had negative experiences that have helped to shape you into a better person?
I was bullied as a kid. I became so upset about going to school I asked my mom to homeschool me. I was bullied because of what I wore. I liked to dress more mature, like my mom, so I was shopping at New York & Co. when I was 12. I took school very seriously and was teased about that. I never went to high school parties, so I wasn’t cool. When I became Miss Teen New Jersey everyone wanted to be my friend, but I knew it wasn’t sincere and remained friends with the three people who always stuck by me. I’m naturally thin and have always been teased about that. Even at Miss Universe people were spreading rumors that I was anorexic. I was stressed and eating a lot, but the weight wasn’t sticking.

We commiserated over how it is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and to eat a burger. However, if you reverse that and tell an overweight person to eat a salad you are vilified. What people need to know is that feelings are hurt in both scenarios. And women shouldn’t be attacking each other’s weights out of insecurities and jealousies.

Any favorite quotes?

My mom always said “You can’t make a difference in the world without knowing what’s going on in it.” She would leave a newspaper on the table in the morning and I would read it while eating breakfast. I still do this every day and I feel weird if I don’t.

Any advice on how to stay motivated on the path to fulfilling one’s goals?
You aren’t a loser unless you give up. If you don’t get what you want it’s because something else is on the horizon if you keep going. That’s what happened with me. I placed first runner up in a pageant, but I persisted and won Miss USA.

Source

This post was a breath of fresh air! And might I add that Alyssa seems like the best Miss USA that we have had in a while. I have briefly talked to her through facebook and she seems so nice, humble, and genuine. I would love the chance to meet her!

The pill could be affecting your sex life

Published November 1, 2011 by Ashley Pariseau

Ladies, listen up! Gentlemen, you might want to read this too.

So I usually try to avoid the Jezebel site for a list of reasons. However, once in a while there will actually be a good article. I stumbled upon one about the hormonal birth control and it’s possible side effects on female sexual pleasure.

The study, conducted at Indiana University, surveyed 1,101 sexually active women and found that hormonal contraception can make sex not-as-good, and that a lack of female enjoyment of sex led to those women who were on birth control having less sex than their hormone-free counterparts.

Alright so the title of the article is awful because the pill isn’t going to make sex “terrible” and to use that word is being way over dramatic, not uncommon for Jezebel but that aside, I found this article of  interest to me because I have been on the pill for about 4 years now and I can relate to what these studies are showing. And for those of you who are wondering exactly how this occurs, well drawing from my own personal experience, the hormones seem to desensitize the body, making a normally awesome feeling a little bit more numb. Not totally gone though, just not as intense if that makes sense.

In fact, I noticed this side effect with my body within the first few months of being on the pill, way before these studies started coming out. I’m actually kind of surprised that this hasn’t been studied a long time ago. The unfortunate thing with this is, to my knowledge, these pills have different effects on different women and each one is often unique to each woman and doctors cannot yet pinpoint which brands will or won’t have the side effect of a decreased sex drive or decreased pleasure during sex. They can only guess and have their clients try it out. I have thought about the whole switching brands until you find something that doesn’t have the same side effect but that idea sounds like it could be a bad one. I’ve switched brands once about a year ago and it’s not something you want to do lightly. These are hormones that are going into your body. It’s not like switching brands of toothpaste. A lot of women go through mood swings, sickness, higher pregnancy risks, and a list of other things when they switch brands. I don’t really want to put my body through that, and yes I fear that the side effect that I would be trying to get rid of (the decrease in sex drive) would still be there, and then what? If I ever decide to switch again, it will probably be changing methods of bc, to the shot maybe, but that’s a different story.

The article also points out there the desire and pleasure in females is something that could be overlooked.

Researchers lamented what they say is a dearth in research into ways to make sex more pleasurable to women who choose hormonal contraception. Says Nicole Smith, project coordinator at IU’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion,

A great effort has been made to make condoms more pleasurable for men. But you don’t hear about this same effort going toward reducing the negative impact of contraception on women’s sexual functioning. It’s just not part of the discussion.

I can see how this would be true. The desire and pleasure for sex in women should be just as big of a priority as the desire and pleasure for men. And to the men, if your woman isn’t as revved up as she used to be, don’t take it personally and assume there is a problem with you or her love for you, it could be her pill!

Having that said, I can only speak for myself when I say that although my body can tell the different between how I am feeling on and off the pills, it’s not quite enough for me to want to just stop taking it all together. I am still looking into other methods and I might have a go on one when I am ready to go through any of the possible changes, which is just not right now.

Ladies, have you experienced a lack of sex drive or pleasure in sex after you went on the pill? Have you tried other brands or thought about stopping because of it? 

You Are The 1%

Published October 28, 2011 by Ashley Pariseau

I recent saw a blog post that said the following:

Everyone reading this post has access to the Internet. You probably have food in your fridge, while others are starving to death.

You probably have heating and cooling in your home. I am sure if you are reading this, you have indoor plumbing.

Back in the old days they went outside sometimes in the middle of the night to poop.

They had to check the hole for animals and the smell could be pretty horrible.

You all have toilet paper.

You know what they used before toilet paper?

Probably all of you have a stove and a microwave.

You have water to drink that comes to your house and all you have to do is turn it on.

You have water that is heated in your bathtub. You can control whether it is hot or cold.

These awesome features were not available 100 years ago.

So for most of human history, no one had what you have today.

You are the 1%. You are the rich. You are privileged.

So stop complaining.
Source

I thought it was an interesting perspective.

Do you agree with that message?

Jennifer Hudson’s Weight Loss

Published October 17, 2011 by Ashley Pariseau

I just want to stop and talk for a second about Jennifer Hudson and the fact that she has been receiving a lot of criticism for losing weight. You know, when she first broke out into stardom with her singing and acting, she was a size 16. She was beautiful and talented, and she was a role model for people all of kinds, including those larger lady fans who loved the idea that she was celebrated even though she wasn’t a size 2. I can understand how they wanted to feel like someone famous and attractive could represent people of size. But I sometimes wonder if people tend to rely a little heavily on that idea.

It seems like whenever an actress, singer, or model is plus size, they are admired by a certain crowd of fans for being plus size but the moment that celebrity loses weight, their body fans become disappointed in them and they start to criticize the celeb for giving in to the pressures of the Hollywood ideal. They find it sad and unfortunate. It just makes me wonder why is it that we select our role models based on something like size (whatever their size might be) and expect them to stay that way and we lose respect if they do end up changing? I mean these are human beings we are talking about. They will gain and lose weight, make mistakes, change their appearance, interests, and opinions. That’s just part of being human and growing as a person.

Now I don’t personally know Jennifer and neither does anyone else, so we really don’t know deep down why she decided to lose weight. She has been interviewed about her weight loss and this is what she had to say in regards to the issue.

From Chicago Tribune,

So much has happened and changed and now I’m a mom, and I wanted to maybe set an example to my (2-year-old) son.

I think that is a pretty healthy idea, isn’t it?

Not only has she lost weight, but she has become a spokes person for Weight Watchers. A lot of people who are against dieting don’t like Weight Watchers because they see it as a diet plan that restricts and deprives you of nutrients you need. But is that true?

From Dail Mail,

It’s not a diet, it’s really a way of living that teaches you better skills,’ she says of the weight loss plan. For years I felt like I could never have ice cream, but I can eat ice cream occasionally now!

Sometimes I just feel like people can never win. They are criticized for being too heavy and they are criticized for losing weight. I have great respect for the individuals who learn to accept their being plus sized, but maybe that way of life isn’t for everyone. Should a desire to lose weight always be considered a bad thing? I just don’t know.

I have been watching and reading interviews about her weight and she claims that she loves her body at any weight, and that she is currently happy with her body and with the Weight Watchers plan, and from my own observation she does seem genuinely happy, which is what should ultimately matter, right?

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