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Is This Quote Sexist Against Men?

Dec11

 

“Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.”

I posted this quote as my facebook status the other day. I heard it on the film Miss Representation, a documentary film about how women are represented in the media, which I watched a few days ago. It was not credited in the film, so I looked it up and it traces back to Canadian feminist and former Mayor of Ottawa, Charlotte Whitton. It’s truth struck me and I decided I wanted to post it. One unknown guy who I have never spoken to and who was not ever among my facebook friends happened to see this and it didn’t go over well with him.

As you can tell I found an issue with his first comment. It is no doubt insulting. It didn’t take me long to block him. I went to this guy’s profile at the moment and found a status a few minutes after I blocked him, “I’m not sexist, I just don’t put up with shit.” Um, put up with what shit exactly? I’m guessing he interpreted the quote as insulting to men, because otherwise I have no idea what he’s going on about. I posted about this incident on a forum I go to and someone else, a female, implied that the “Luckily this is not too difficult” part could be sexist against men.

Still, I don’t see that it is. I think the entire quote was never meant as insulting to men, but instead empowering for women with the “can do” attitude it captures. I don’t think it is implying anything else, but maybe that is just my view.

What do you think about the quote? What do you interpret it?

What Happened To Romance?

Dec4

Every now and then it will reoccur to me that I see very little romance between dating people these days. It seems like people just don’t care or they think it is old fashioned. I have observed men who are discouraged about the idea of romance, and I get this sense that they might associate the word with chivalry or things that men must do to cater to women to treat them like a princess, but that’s not what it has to mean. First, let’s look at what the word is actually defined as.

ro·mance

Noun:  A feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love

So basically romance is the idea of keeping the mystery and excitement alive in a relationship. Should men and woman alike want that for their own relationships? I would think so.

Gentlemen, the thing about romance is, it doesn’t have to be these huge displays of affection like you might see in movies. You don’t have to hijack a plane like Jim Carey, or save your loved one from jumping off a ship like Leo Dicaprio. And you don’t have to spend a bunch of money either. These days, women are impressed by small things. Trust me, they are frickin thrilled when you remember your anniversary or surprise them with a little love note in their coat pocket. It seriously can be that easy. And ladies, you can be romantic to your men as well. They also take pleasure in the little unexpected things that show them you care.  Treat them the way you would like to be treated. Make it unique, fun, and interesting.

I think maintaining  romance is very important for a lasting relationship. If you have ever felt, heard, or given the line, “The passion is gone” or “There’s no spark anymore,”  then you need to up the romance! Trust me on this.

How have you kept the romance alive in your relationship?

Blog Repost – Who Says Pageant Queens Can’t Be Feminists?

Nov13

I came across this awesome post from TheFBomb.org where the author interviewed current Miss USA Alyssa Campanella.

I was recently given the opportunity to interview Miss USA. Since I don’t really keep up on the pageant world I had to do some research. Alyssa Campanella seemed like a fine person – I was mostly curious to ask her about feminism.

Alyssa currently lives in New York City with Miss Universe. She is hardly ever there because of all the fabulous places she “has” to travel to such as Chicago, Miami, the Bahamas, Los Angeles, Cannes and others. Once her reign as Miss USA is over she wants to attend culinary school and has been doing some work with the Food Network to prepare.

Now for the interview:

Pageants receive criticism because they are seen as negative to young women because the focus is on appearance. How do you think pageants can be empowering?
Part of my job is to travel around with charity organizations raising awareness about women’s issues. I’m learning skills that I can apply to my future. This work is not just about being a glamazon. I help out organizations such Susan G. Komen For The Cure, Gilda’s Club, God’s Love We Deliver, and Project Sunshine. I would rather put less make up on, wear jeans, and spread cheer.

Are you a feminist?
We are all human beings, so what if we have different body parts? There are women presidents — not in the U.S. but soon. There are women all over the world in positions of power doing a good job such as the Queen of Denmark and Brazil’s president. In history, there is Margaret Thatcher England’s first female prime minister. We don’t need only a man to do the job. Let women have power.

Have you had negative experiences that have helped to shape you into a better person?
I was bullied as a kid. I became so upset about going to school I asked my mom to homeschool me. I was bullied because of what I wore. I liked to dress more mature, like my mom, so I was shopping at New York & Co. when I was 12. I took school very seriously and was teased about that. I never went to high school parties, so I wasn’t cool. When I became Miss Teen New Jersey everyone wanted to be my friend, but I knew it wasn’t sincere and remained friends with the three people who always stuck by me. I’m naturally thin and have always been teased about that. Even at Miss Universe people were spreading rumors that I was anorexic. I was stressed and eating a lot, but the weight wasn’t sticking.

We commiserated over how it is socially acceptable to tell someone they are too thin and to eat a burger. However, if you reverse that and tell an overweight person to eat a salad you are vilified. What people need to know is that feelings are hurt in both scenarios. And women shouldn’t be attacking each other’s weights out of insecurities and jealousies.

Any favorite quotes?

My mom always said “You can’t make a difference in the world without knowing what’s going on in it.” She would leave a newspaper on the table in the morning and I would read it while eating breakfast. I still do this every day and I feel weird if I don’t.

Any advice on how to stay motivated on the path to fulfilling one’s goals?
You aren’t a loser unless you give up. If you don’t get what you want it’s because something else is on the horizon if you keep going. That’s what happened with me. I placed first runner up in a pageant, but I persisted and won Miss USA.

Source

This post was a breath of fresh air! And might I add that Alyssa seems like the best Miss USA that we have had in a while. I have briefly talked to her through facebook and she seems so nice, humble, and genuine. I would love the chance to meet her!

The pill could be affecting your sex life

Nov1

Ladies, listen up! Gentlemen, you might want to read this too.

So I usually try to avoid the Jezebel site for a list of reasons. However, once in a while there will actually be a good article. I stumbled upon one about the hormonal birth control and it’s possible side effects on female sexual pleasure.

The study, conducted at Indiana University, surveyed 1,101 sexually active women and found that hormonal contraception can make sex not-as-good, and that a lack of female enjoyment of sex led to those women who were on birth control having less sex than their hormone-free counterparts.

Alright so the title of the article is awful because the pill isn’t going to make sex “terrible” and to use that word is being way over dramatic, not uncommon for Jezebel but that aside, I found this article of  interest to me because I have been on the pill for about 4 years now and I can relate to what these studies are showing. And for those of you who are wondering exactly how this occurs, well drawing from my own personal experience, the hormones seem to desensitize the body, making a normally awesome feeling a little bit more numb. Not totally gone though, just not as intense if that makes sense.

In fact, I noticed this side effect with my body within the first few months of being on the pill, way before these studies started coming out. I’m actually kind of surprised that this hasn’t been studied a long time ago. The unfortunate thing with this is, to my knowledge, these pills have different effects on different women and each one is often unique to each woman and doctors cannot yet pinpoint which brands will or won’t have the side effect of a decreased sex drive or decreased pleasure during sex. They can only guess and have their clients try it out. I have thought about the whole switching brands until you find something that doesn’t have the same side effect but that idea sounds like it could be a bad one. I’ve switched brands once about a year ago and it’s not something you want to do lightly. These are hormones that are going into your body. It’s not like switching brands of toothpaste. A lot of women go through mood swings, sickness, higher pregnancy risks, and a list of other things when they switch brands. I don’t really want to put my body through that, and yes I fear that the side effect that I would be trying to get rid of (the decrease in sex drive) would still be there, and then what? If I ever decide to switch again, it will probably be changing methods of bc, to the shot maybe, but that’s a different story.

The article also points out there the desire and pleasure in females is something that could be overlooked.

Researchers lamented what they say is a dearth in research into ways to make sex more pleasurable to women who choose hormonal contraception. Says Nicole Smith, project coordinator at IU’s Center for Sexual Health Promotion,

A great effort has been made to make condoms more pleasurable for men. But you don’t hear about this same effort going toward reducing the negative impact of contraception on women’s sexual functioning. It’s just not part of the discussion.

I can see how this would be true. The desire and pleasure for sex in women should be just as big of a priority as the desire and pleasure for men. And to the men, if your woman isn’t as revved up as she used to be, don’t take it personally and assume there is a problem with you or her love for you, it could be her pill!

Having that said, I can only speak for myself when I say that although my body can tell the different between how I am feeling on and off the pills, it’s not quite enough for me to want to just stop taking it all together. I am still looking into other methods and I might have a go on one when I am ready to go through any of the possible changes, which is just not right now.

Ladies, have you experienced a lack of sex drive or pleasure in sex after you went on the pill? Have you tried other brands or thought about stopping because of it? 

You Are The 1%

Oct28

I recent saw a blog post that said the following:

Everyone reading this post has access to the Internet. You probably have food in your fridge, while others are starving to death.

You probably have heating and cooling in your home. I am sure if you are reading this, you have indoor plumbing.

Back in the old days they went outside sometimes in the middle of the night to poop.

They had to check the hole for animals and the smell could be pretty horrible.

You all have toilet paper.

You know what they used before toilet paper?

Probably all of you have a stove and a microwave.

You have water to drink that comes to your house and all you have to do is turn it on.

You have water that is heated in your bathtub. You can control whether it is hot or cold.

These awesome features were not available 100 years ago.

So for most of human history, no one had what you have today.

You are the 1%. You are the rich. You are privileged.

So stop complaining.
Source

I thought it was an interesting perspective.

Do you agree with that message?

Jennifer Hudson’s Weight Loss

Oct17

I just want to stop and talk for a second about Jennifer Hudson and the fact that she has been receiving a lot of criticism for losing weight. You know, when she first broke out into stardom with her singing and acting, she was a size 16. She was beautiful and talented, and she was a role model for people all of kinds, including those larger lady fans who loved the idea that she was celebrated even though she wasn’t a size 2. I can understand how they wanted to feel like someone famous and attractive could represent people of size. But I sometimes wonder if people tend to rely a little heavily on that idea.

It seems like whenever an actress, singer, or model is plus size, they are admired by a certain crowd of fans for being plus size but the moment that celebrity loses weight, their body fans become disappointed in them and they start to criticize the celeb for giving in to the pressures of the Hollywood ideal. They find it sad and unfortunate. It just makes me wonder why is it that we select our role models based on something like size (whatever their size might be) and expect them to stay that way and we lose respect if they do end up changing? I mean these are human beings we are talking about. They will gain and lose weight, make mistakes, change their appearance, interests, and opinions. That’s just part of being human and growing as a person.

Now I don’t personally know Jennifer and neither does anyone else, so we really don’t know deep down why she decided to lose weight. She has been interviewed about her weight loss and this is what she had to say in regards to the issue.

From Chicago Tribune,

So much has happened and changed and now I’m a mom, and I wanted to maybe set an example to my (2-year-old) son.

I think that is a pretty healthy idea, isn’t it?

Not only has she lost weight, but she has become a spokes person for Weight Watchers. A lot of people who are against dieting don’t like Weight Watchers because they see it as a diet plan that restricts and deprives you of nutrients you need. But is that true?

From Dail Mail,

It’s not a diet, it’s really a way of living that teaches you better skills,’ she says of the weight loss plan. For years I felt like I could never have ice cream, but I can eat ice cream occasionally now!

Sometimes I just feel like people can never win. They are criticized for being too heavy and they are criticized for losing weight. I have great respect for the individuals who learn to accept their being plus sized, but maybe that way of life isn’t for everyone. Should a desire to lose weight always be considered a bad thing? I just don’t know.

I have been watching and reading interviews about her weight and she claims that she loves her body at any weight, and that she is currently happy with her body and with the Weight Watchers plan, and from my own observation she does seem genuinely happy, which is what should ultimately matter, right?

Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

Sep29

This week marks the 20th anniversary of Nirvana’s second studio album called Nevermind. Yes, you heard right. 20 years ago.

I was a teen in the late 90s. I didn’t even discover who Nirvana was until…1996 I think. I was kind of a sheltered kid, growing up listening mostly to pop and R&B music, so I had never heard of them until I turned on the radio that was playing Smells Like Teen Spirit. That song and the Nevermind album changed rock music and it changed my adolescence. More actually, it possibly was the thing that jumpstarted by adolescence.  I heard their songs on the radio. Loved it, had to have it. I went out and bought Nevermind and listened and fell in love. Not long after I bought the CD, I discovered it went missing from my CD collection. Curiously  I started searching the house for it and I found it underneath my mom’s car seat a few days  later. I took it back and confronted her about why she confiscated it.  She told me she didn’t like me listening to angry music by a guy who was a drug addict and suicide case. I couldn’t blame her, actually. I mean I was only like 13. I told her that I didn’t care about all that he did and how I just liked the sound of their music, which was true. She kinda nodded her head in slight understanding while I returned the CD to my collection.

You know a lot of people argue that Nirvana only became so popular because of Kurt’s tragedy. I don’t necessarily think this is true. I think this band still would have been legendary if he was still alive and they were still together. There was something different and unique about them, and to this day I can’t really think of any other band quite like them. This album still remains such a prominent staple of my teen years and I hate it to think of how crappy most of the popular rock bands of today are. When are we going to have another great band to change rock history? I’m still waiting.

What music album or song is most memorable to you from your past? 

What is home to me?

Sep27

Yesterday’s topic on The Daily Post was this:

What does “home” mean to you? How would describe what it feels like to feel “at home”? It may be something specific about the physical details of where you’d like to live, or it could be more about how you feel when you are in the right place.

I found this topic particularly fitting for me right now, as I am about to move to another place I want to call home.

Having been through so many moves in my life, for reasons of all kind, reasons for good, bad, and the down right ugly… I have collected some specific thoughts and ideas as to what I consider a home.

To me, a home is a place of solace and peace.

A place where I feel free to do as I please.

A place where I approve of who enters or stays and any roommates have stable income and help financially with rent and bills so I won’t have to worry if we are going to make rent because someone else isn’t pulling their own weight.

Where any roommates are nothing but responsible, trustworthy friends that I can get along with and live with without many conflicts.

My home is easily kept clean.

My home is quiet most of the time.

A place that is safe from thieves, drug dealers, and people I don’t trust in general.

A place where my cat can run around if he pleases.

A place where when something breaks, I can call the landlord and they will come out and fix it in a reasonable time.

My home is free from noisy neighbors.

A place that is away from neighborhood crime, or safe enough to where I can walk down the street without having to worry about my safety.

A place where visitors respect our boundaries and don’t overstay their welcome, eat our food without permission, or dirty up our place without picking up after themselves before they leave.

A place where I have enough space for myself and my belongings.

A place where there aren’t so many people living with me that I feel like I am in their way or like they are in mine.

A place where I am neither treated like a child or have to act as a mother.

A place where I can come home to and know what to expect.

Those are probably the important ones.

What is your ideal type of home environment? 

Women are so hard on themselves

Sep21

When it comes to their bodies, most women are extremely critical. It baffles me every time I see this. And what gets me is that usually these are women who are deemed as attractive by today’s standards. They are verbally ripping apart every little flaw with themselves that they see, and I often think they are imagining things because I never even see what they are talking about.

I remember about a year ago when I did the MAX calendar contest (wow, I can’t believe it’s been a year already), I was backstage with all of the rest of the calendar girls and we were getting ready to do our swimsuit competition. We were all prepping in the mirrors before getting called out to go on stage and every single girl was trashing her body. “I need to do something about this double chin.” “All I need is a boob job and I’ll be happy.” “I hate my thighs.”  They all seemed to take turns picking out their flaws. Yes,  these ladies were all doing it! I couldn’t believe it. Then it got quiet as a few of them looked at me. I was looking in the mirror but in the reflection I could see them looking at me waiting to hear what I had to complain about. I said, “You girls are all hot, stop it.” I heard one of them ask, “So you’re not worried about how you look out there?” I just shook my head no.  I felt almost out of place at that moment. Fortunate to make peace with myself but also felt sorry for them.

A lot of women obsess over their looks, in part, because they fear they won’t be accepted, by either males or some other part of society. But here’s one thing I have noticed that I know for sure, men aren’t seeing what you are freaking out about! They aren’t nearly as critical about the female form as women are themselves. How often do you hear a guy picking at a girl’s thigh dimples? Men just don’t care care that much. They care if a woman they like is fit enough to be healthy and takes care of herself. But if she is slightly overweight, has a little bit of cellulite, or something minor like that, he’s not going to care and that is if he even notices it at all. So there’s no need to keep the lights off all the time, ladies. If your man is with you, he already thinks you look good and he would rather see you with the lights on and when he does, he’s thinking about how sexy you are, not about that teeny bit of cellulite you might have. He doesn’t expect you to be flawless, so why keep expecting that out of yourself?